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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/TrueNefariousness462 on 2024-09-17 14:35:55+00:00.

Hello Everyone.

I am not sure how updating works, but after the many responses I received yesterday I just wanted to keep you all in the loop of the situation. I asked the Mods if I was allowed to post an update and they agreed (Thank you Mods)

If you don’t know me > here < is my post from yesterday -

Firstly, please can I thank everyone in the comments showing support and sharing your own stories. Thank you.

I honestly thought, and still do to some extent, that I have f’ed up and failed my daughter. I thought her need to protect came from the fact she had seen me so broken. A comment which I have now lost said something along the lines of “mummy got hurt by bad people, and now her friend is being threatened, so she wanted to stand up for us”. As honourable as that is, I don’t want my little girl to feel that way. I want her to be a child for as long as she can be. I want her to play with her friends and have no cares in the world apart from who’s going to be the goalkeeper or if she wants ham or turkey on a sandwich, do you know what I mean?

I have spent some time with her over the weekend and last night reassuring her of that fact. I am always in her corner, I am always right behind her, and I will always believe her, no matter what. She has promised me going forward that she will always tell me, from the small things to the big things. I’m her Mum, no matter her age, she is always going to be my baby and I am always going to go to bat for her.

We have also discussed if she feels safe in the school and if she feels the teachers would have dealt with it if she had told them - she said she feels safe, but she doesn’t know if they would do anything, but she has never asked. This is something I will be keeping an eye on and discussing with other parents if their children have similar feelings.

So, on to the update - My daughter is suspended until Wednesday. I had a meeting with the deputy headmaster, because the headmaster is “unavailable” today.

Alex’s mum, who for ease I am going to call Joanne, had a meeting with him yesterday afternoon. For context, my meeting with him was about 20 min long. Joanne kept him locked in the office with her for nearly 2 hours. In those 2 hours, she made him go through chapter and verse the “anti-bullying” policy and explain each point to her.

Joanne told me she had him admit that what the other child said to Alex alone should have been grounds for punishment. He still claims he had not been told about the threats and wants to open an investigation into his staff to “get to the bottom of it”. Joanne told him she didn’t care right now how he handled his staff, he needs to stop trying to place blame elsewhere, and take accountability. She told him, her first and only concern right now was that her child had been at the school less than a week and had received a threat of death twice, and the only person being punished is the only person who stood up for him. He reiterated that “we have a zero tolerance policy” to which Joanne stopped him mid sentence and asked him why her son wasn’t included in that policy? He APOLOGISED and said “I can see how that could look that way”, however he has not said how he would be fixing it because he has to do another “investigation”… I am starting to think he has a word of the day calendar or something.

My meeting with the deputy head was very basic, I think it was essentially just to placate me, but I have everything documented if I need to go through this again. My daughter has been suspended for fighting, she can return to school tomorrow morning. I did ask if the other child will be punished, but was told they can’t discuss the other child and TBH that is fair, but I will be monitoring the situation. There will be no behaviour report or forced apology.

Last night, we went to Alex’s house and had dinner. Alex keeps telling my daughter “you’re on my Christmas card list for life”. I don’t know where he got it from, but they think its hilarious.

My daughter has convinced Alex to try karate, they are very excited. Its karate night for us on Thursday, I will be talking with Sensei Paul about the altercation. Just so they can have a chat about safety, when to fight etc, more than anything else I just want her to be safe. She isn’t an army, she is still a little person and she needs to remember that sometimes.

I also told my daughter I told her story to some people on line, and I showed her some of the nicer comments. I asked her if she would like to choose a name you can call her, she has chosen Hawk… suddenly something clicked into place. The flying punch she did, it was a “cobra punch”, the character Hawk (Cobra Kai) does them a lot, you sort of kick your leg like you’re going to kick the opponent but instead move with a punch… NO ONE has taught her this move, but I have seen her jump off the settee and sort of do it before. When we started doing karate, I took that as an opportunity to introduce her to the the Karate Kid series, and obviously following that we started Cobra Kai. She is absolutly obsessed with Hawk and Tori (Minor spoiler for Cobra Kai please don’t talk to her about the end of the last season, she is very upset with Tori right now) So we have now had another discussion about how we shouldn’t replicate things we see in TV and Movies. Parenting is hard… and I have the teen years to come yet. I might just dye my hair grey now and get it over with.

One more thing I would like to address. I had two really horrid DM’s regarding Alex’s gender identity and sexual orientation - FIRSTLY, they are 9. He is figuring out who he is. If they are LGBTQ+, then that’s who they are, but its no one’s place but Alex’s to determine that. He likes bright colours, he likes how make-up and nail polish makes people look, he is just unapologetically HIMSELF, and we can all learn a thing or two about that.

Oh, another thing. I never understood why people felt the need to justify themselves to the people in the comments claiming their stories were AI generated, but now experiencing it, it kinda stings a little. I am not writing this for validation, I don’t know enough to care about whatever Karma Points are and I wouldn’t know how to use Chat GPT if my life depended on it. I can’t prove to you I am human, and this is real, nor does it really matter. But please be careful who you say that to, someone could be out here pouring their heart out and you completely diminish that by diminishing them. Just be kind to people, or don’t say anything at all. You know what they say, opinions are like arseholes, everybody has one and they all stink.

Anyways. “Hawk” saw some of the comments saying she deserves a treat, a lot of you were saying ice-cream… she doesn’t want that. She wants a sword. Apart from being terrifying sometimes, I think she is going to be OK. I am going to buy her > this < training sword, and I think maybe some books about the Samurai. If anyone has any other suggestions, I am all ears!! I don’t know if they will be a good or bad role model, but she seems like she has developed a passion for martial arts, and I am all about supporting physical activities, but getting some history in there would be amazing too.

I’m sorry, I intended to keep this brief, but I just seem to waffle. I think I need to find more adults to talk to haha. I was never much into journaling growing up, but I can see why people do it, its nice to just get everything in your head out of there and in black and white. Things can seem a lot more simple when they are on the page.

Anyway - I am not sure what the future holds, but I know we will tackle it head on, sword in hand apparently.

Thank you for the love, I really needed it. You are all great people.

TL;DR - Daughter is suspended until tomorrow, headmaster ate a piece of humble pie and is possibly now traumatised, Alex is going to try karate and my daughter wants the internet to know her as Hawk and she also wants a sword.